ALAMEDA, CA – Many cities can boast their association with historical facts, such as being the country’s first capital. Other cities can brag about being the site of specific landmarks, such as statues that greeted immigrants throughout the turn of the century. Alameda, California, however, boasts neither of these distinctions. It is known, though, for the fact that 9-percent of its single-family homes are Victorian houses and that its Fourth of July parade features motorized living room furniture.
This is why the Federal Government has presented mayor Beverly Johnson of Alameda with the very distinguished and previously unheard of Most Random City Trivia Award. This is an award that was created to give the residents of the city a sense of pride and honor about being the home of the Oakland Raiders’ training facility.
“It’s really quite an honor,” Mayor Johnson said, “as it will send the signal to residents and tourists alike that Alameda is in fact the home of Charles Froling’s spite house—which is only ten feet wide and currently occupied.”
“I’m very pleased to have been a member of the Alameda community,” said former resident and NBA star Jason Kidd, “as I started playing basketball solely because the city adopted a council-manager government as a result of its status of a charter city rather than a general law city. Did you know that 112 of California's 478 cities are charter cities? I didn’t until I lived in Alameda.”
To commemorate the city’s award, the city government had a three-day festival to coincide with its county fair celebrations. Featured at the center of the festival is an oversized funnel cake. Each attendant of the festival is welcome to break away their own piece of the funnel cake and pour a little powdered sugar on it.
“Up until the 19th century,” Mayor Johnson said, “Alameda was a peninsula attached to Oakland but was only connected by marshy land that was home to one of the largest coastal oak forests in the world. It is now an island, and each piece of funnel cake that is broken away from the larger object represents how Alameda has likewise established itself as an independent and self-standing land mass. Funnel cake is also really effin’ good.”