The Lesser-Known Bird of Prey

Prospect Park in Brooklyn, NY

While the average American may be familiar with the bald eagle, the golden eagle, and other austere birds of prey, few know of one of the slowest-moving birds to ever grace the surface of our planet. This is, of course, the Coppericus Profilus, a smallish bird known for perching itself on random statues in urban parks and staring off to the side at an unknown object from 1859 until the planet's nuclear holocaust in the 22nd century.

Coppericus Profilus can weigh anywhere from 50 to 225 lbs, depending upon whether one is lifting the concrete base attached to its feet. The plumage colors range from copper-brown to copper-brown, and immature birds resemble a congealed mass of a poly-alloy of a currently unknown metallic matrix. The Coppericus Profilus usually mates for life, but the courting ritual may take upwards of seventy or a hundred years.